Binkyfiers Anonymous

Alice:

Today marks the start of my fifth day without a pacifier.  I received my 72 hour chip Tuesday and, at least right now, I can say that I'm confident that I will get to that one week mark.

They say you have to hit rock bottom before you can really make a change.  That was true for me.  See, when I first got on the "binky" or "binkyfier" as my older sis likes to call it, it was innocent enough.  Frankly, I didn't really have any idea what I was getting into.  I was a little rough for the wear after being born, and my sweet well-meaning grandma Mimi just wanted to make life a little easier on my folks.  She was the first person to give me a pacifier.  I loved it from the start.  It was so soothing, and it seemed to help me fall back into a cozy, relaxed sleep like I used to love when I was in my mom. 

Anyway - back to how I got here.  See, I'm a second child.  And I'm not blaming anyone here but I do think that as a second child your parents are more relaxed, more willing to just "solve the problem" and "stick with what works" than first time parents are, mainly because they are so busy with their first.  My older sister is loud, wreckless, funny and high energy.  She's a "toddler" - whatever that means.  So the binky was a good tool for me to feel soothed, even when my parents couldn't hold me or rock or nurse me to sleep.  I got great a falling asleep with it.  Too great.

I first knew that I really had a problem when I began to wake up every 90 minutes or so at night and 45 minutes during daytime naps because my binky had fallen out of my mouth.  My mom or dad would have to rush in and replace it, I would suck for a while and go back to sleep.  Sometimes the binky would fall out again before I had completely drifted off, and I would have to cry again for them to replace it.  It was bad for me, it was bad for them.  But then I began to teethe.  That damn binky and all that sucking that once was calming also began to hurt my mouth.  I needed it more often because I was in pain, but it hurt me too.  And because I was waking up so often and addicted to sucking so much during the night, I was gulping in tons of air - causing, you guessed it: painful gas.  What a viscious cycle. 

Thankfully for me, my greatest enables (my folks) also loved me enough to know how to call it quits.  My dad put me down for my first nap without the binky last Saturday morning.  And though it was a painful, tearful withdrawl - I am sleeping better and feeling better now.  There's no going back folks - I am better than the binky.  I can do this! 

My kid's quotable

In general, Violet is a kick in the pants.  She is bright, keenly observant, opinionated, enthusiastic and incredibly chatty.  This means she is often asking you what things are, why they do what they do or don't do, or she's telling you what she needs, thinks or wants you to be doing.  She will probably be on the more demanding side of the spectrum (she's a woman in my family, after all) but I think she is already incredibly empathetic and emotionally aware of her own impact on others, so my guess is her love/empathy for others will outweigh her powers of manipulation/coercion. 

Anyhoo - I keep meaning to have a place I can write quick little Violet sound bites.  Here we go:

2/24/14:
Today Violet came up to me in the Otter Room and with a half eaten carrot in a plastic baggy.  "Mommy, you need to put this in the oven."  I was confused.  Then I saw the Post It note in the bag "Please no raw carrots.  Choking hazard."

Lately Violet has been both obsessed with Ballet and Hockey/Ice Skating.  She recently had her mind BLOWN when she watched the Sochi Winter Olympics and discovered "ballet on ice."  Now she is determined to be a "figger skater."  Today she told us: "I want to grow up.  I need to grow up and be a ballerina on the ice!"  

This, of course, reminds me of yesterday morning (2/23/14) when Violet demanded to eat left over sushi for breakfast.  We don't eat leftover sushi (especially raw rolls and sashimi) and had only brought it home because she had not eaten much the night before and we thought she might finish it later that night.  

After much wailing and flipping out, screaming for sushi, George told her he was sorry but it wasn't good anymore and also explained that we don't really eat sushi for breakfast.  She was super mad.  (Violet is EMPHATICALLY NOT a morning person.)

She finally calmed down, wiped her snotty, tear stained face and said clearly "I need to grow up!"  George's impression was that she was not referring to her very toddler-like behavior, but rather to her current state of relative powerlessness over her breakfast choices.

A Few Words About Alice

Every elder I have ever met has told me to stop, enjoy this moment, because time just does fly by.  Falling in love seemed to have catalyzed my life; in many ways I look at George and think that it was just yesterday that we were sitting in that rehabilitation center, listening carefully to one another.  Just a moment ago we were living in Los Angeles, newly wedded with a city full of possibility for fun around us.  A second ago we bought our house and moved to Santa Clara.  Have we truly been teaching at SCU for four years?  How could it be?

Having children though, more than any other change I have experienced seems to have put my life into fast drive.  Violet was JUST a tiny baby.  How could it be that she is now running the show, singing songs, working the DVD player, dressing herself, using the potty?  How could it be that she uses four syllable words, correctly, and in long paragraphs?  It's amazing.

Now we have another tiny baby and even though she is still so small - it with the addition of Alice that I feel I must actively make myself slow down, breathe deeply, soak every second with her in.  She is so precious and growing so fast.  On one hand I am so proud to see her develop, so enraptured by her infectious giggles, her sweet babbling, her impressive head and neck strength, and most of all her incredible sleeping skills!  But on the other hand, she is growing so fast before my eyes that I feel like I want to cry sometimes. 

Alice is the sweetest, prettiest little thing.  She is so mellow and easy going, so very pleasant.  It is an amazing honor that she chose me to be her mother.  And in these last few weeks of maternity leave all I can think is SLOW DOWN COURTNEY AND TAKE THIS ALL IN!

A Few Fabulous Holiday 2013 Violet Moments

One of the reasons I decided to start writing this blog is because life is moving SO QUICKLY that I am afraid of forgetting some of these precious moments that happen.  Especially in the blur that is raising a newborn and a toddler in tandem - it's hard to remember what happened a few hours ago, let alone store things in long term memory.  Thus - I write. 

We spent Thanksgiving this year with my parents in Mill Valley.  We had gone up the day before and George was joining us after he got out of a long meeting in Santa Cruz.  The kitchen was full of family - my Aunt Carmen, Michelle, Uncle Bill, Jeannette, my folks, and Jamie were all there.  We had all been discussing how we felt sorry for George who was fighting traffic for hours.  When he arrived at the front door around 6pm Violet ran to him, jumped into his arms and kissed him.  "I missed you Daddy!"  He replied "I missed you too!"  "You in traffic Daddy?" "Yes."  "Oooh.  You need a glass of wine, Daddy?"  It was the funniest darn thing she could have said - perfect for George and hilarious for the rest of us!  "Why yes I would like a glass of wine!"  We were all dying laughing.

Here are a few precious recollections from Christmas this year.  To be fair, Alice was a doll in her red "Baby's First Christmas" PJs and her generally sweet disposition.  But the greatest pleasure this Christmas was watching Violet get into the season, learn about Santa, sing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer umpteen times, watch my dad teach her about Baby Jesus, watch her revel at her Christmas presents Christmas morning.  (Her favorites really being the simplest ones - like a light pink silk play scarf from her Auntie Genna!)

On Christmas Eve my parents and George and I took the girls to their first Children's Christmas Mass and Pageant at Mount Carmel Church in Mill Valley.  We were all dressed up.  Violet looked like a Christmas princess in her beautiful Gymboree red and green plaid silk duponi dress and gold leather maryjanes. 

My dad, Tata, had given her a book called "The True Story of Christmas" or something like that which told the story of Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus in simple terms for a toddler reader. She's obsessed with babies, so she naturally adored the book.  She decided that she needed to bring it with her to church.  (My dad - intense Catholic that he is - was quite thrilled.)  Violet doesn't really know a thing about Mass, but was all geared up for the singing parts, the standing parts, and especially was looking forward to the play about Baby Jesus. 

Once the pageant began, Violet insisted on standing up on the pew to see.  Then several small children walked down the aisle to sit at the front of the Church to see the play better.  The performance took place on the church pulpit platform which was risen about five steps from the floor level.  Mount Carmel is big.  And at Christmas mass, it is always packed.  This night was no exception - there were 900 plus in attendance.  We were sitting about 19-20 rows back from the front of the Church, and Violet decided that this would simply not do; she needed a better view of Baby Jesus. 

She broke away from George who was holding her and said she was going to see baby Jesus.  "Does she know to stop and sit at the front with the other kids? - You better go get her." I said to George (I was holding a sleeping 2 month old baby Alice at the time).  "Let's just see what she does."  She walked right past the other kids sitting at the front, straight up the stairs onto the stage.  A bewildered 7 or 8 year old Mary and Joseph stood there dumbfounded with only the bassinet holding baby Jesus between them and my curious daughter, standing with her back to 900 people gazing down into the cradle.  George said to me "I'm not going up there." I shot him a look, handed him Alice and ran in heels all the way up to the front of the church onto the stage to grab my toddler, amidst hundreds of people chuckling at us.  Tata had tears in his eyes because "She totally gets it!"

Back in the Saddle

My goodness it has certainly been a long time since I have posted anything on this blog.  Apparently motherhood and working-mom-motherhood in particular has not lent itself to blogging.  Since my last posts Ms. Violet Mae Mohler was born, on July 1st 2011.

She is now 2 1/2 and talks in full sentences.  She is full of life, zesty and opinionated as could be.  She is the happiest, most enthusiastic person I have ever met...unless she's upset about something, in which case she's super upset.  She is her mother's daughter and feels everything to the max, sees life in technicolor and is a true a bon vivant!

The day after my birthday, on October 26, 2013 I gave birth to our second daughter, Alice LaRose Mohler.  She is an incredibly sweet and mellow baby.  She loves to be quiet and to smile up at whoever is looking her in the eyes.  She loves her binky and her swaddle and can sleep for hours as long as she has both in a quiet warn place.  She is the easiest little second baby this mama could ever ask for.

Besides that, my husband George now has two full time jobs.  I have been promoted from Post-doctoral Fellow to Assistant Professor of Theatre and Dance at Santa Clara University.  This is quite a fete I think considering I have had two babies whilst securing said job.  We'll see if I can manage to be the kind of mom and wife I want to be and also be the kind of professor my department and college needs.  I think there will be some stress there - but I do think it is possible.  I am hopeful, optimistic, that I somehow do both at about a B+ level, and that in the end that is the best thing for me to do.  But, I may be getting to philosophical for my first blog back from a three year hiatus.  It's 2014!  I have been a mom since mid-2011!  Fuq!  How did that happen?

Stationery card

Initially Lavender Rose Birth Announcement

Shutterfly has cute baby announcements and Valentine's Day cards.

View the entire collection of cards.

Mid-Sixth Week

Here I am, on day 2 of week 6, and feeling all the lovely symptoms of the first trimester. My breasts are insanely sore to the touch (even clothes brushing up against my nipples hurts), I'm queasy in the morning for some portion of the AM, and I'm tired all the time. Luckily, I have not been particularly moody since we first found out I was pregnant. I personally think I was just going through the emotional roller coaster that goes along with the discovery. I have never been great with transitions.

Now George and I have been enjoying lazying around together. I think he's died and gone to heaven with this new, mellower, more tired and dopey wife. And he's been mercifully understanding and supportive of the fact that I am currently "phoning" my work in, so to speak. I am able to teach well - my students haven't missed a beat - but as far as research goes? No way. Not happening right now. I just need to make it through the next few weeks of the quarter, then I have nearly a month off to relax. By the time I return for Winter quarter I will be in my 4th month of pregnancy, and hopefully enjoying the increased energy of the second trimester. But we'll see!

I'm now weighing in at 127.9lbs, but at one point this week I was down to 127.1lbs. I'm trying to not exceed 131 before my 12th week, but of course, I'll be kind to myself either way. I have been exercising almost daily, but I have also been eating far larger breakfasts and snacking throughout the day.