Surprise!

After "trying" for exactly one month (mid Oct. 2010, to be exact) George and I were stressed and ready to stop "trying" because it seemed to be getting in the way of our relaxing around each other. My 30th birthday was met with some unexpected anxiety. I decided to throw a house-warming/B-day party at my house. The event took a lot out of me, made me stressed and bratty with Jane and George. And I ended up sort of wishing I hadn't bothered to host it.

As it turns out, that was right at the time our little fertilized egg was finding a home in my womb to nestle into! Go figure.

A few days after the party, I had discovered that I was spotting. I was understandably disappointed. When I told George I was upset, he became distraught because he felt like I was putting too much pressure on the whole thing. We had a difficult heart to heart and decided to completely lighten up on what he called our "race to get pregnant." We were resolved to just have fun together, talk less about getting pregnant, and let nature take its course.

On November 4th I decided, somewhat impulsively, to take a home pregnancy test (clear blue digital!) I couldn't believe it when I saw it, but was so completely happy right away. We're pregnant! It turns out that the spotting was actually totally normal implantation blood. And my moodiness, which I figured was PMS is legitimate first trimester hormonal adjustments! Yay!

I'm delighted. I think that it's possible that George is adjusting to the news. On one hand I know he's basically (rationally) very happy about it. But on the other hand, he hasn't really showed me his enthusiasm in an emotional outpour like I would like to see. I think it may be because he's processing this. We really didn't think it was going to happen this quickly, and we certainly didn't think it would happen this month after I got upset about spotting a week ago!

Regardless, the truth is, this is my experience. His experience, largely, will be about dealing with my pregnancy in terms of how it impacts me and our relationship and lifestyle. But I am the only one whose body will change, and who must be dedicated tirelessly to being the best possible vessel for this new life. My entire mission in life has just altered: I am now going to be a mother, the most sacred and holy thing a person can be. This is my time to actively pursue my best characteristics. This is my time to become the best version of myself that I can become: spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally and of course productively.

Thank God above for this miracle. I will thank you everyday for giving this most precious gift.